Wash, Rinse and Repeat: Getting Nitty-Gritty in the U.S.A.
Going back in time and place to rediscover roots and ruminate
Going back home is both joyous and daunting.
I’m currently on a two-month run, with my family, through California, Texas, Colorado and Idaho. It’s the longest time I’ve spent in America since I left the country in 1992.
I’m now in my sixties, my son is a new college graduate in his twenties, so it’s the perfect opportunity to revisit my roots and reconnect with family and friends.
I knew there would be wonderful moments to share and hard truths to reconcile with both my family and my country.
It’s not unlike washing all the dirty laundry and rinsing off the residue of the past to find your place in the present. And like the label says, it’s a wash, rinse, repeat process to condition your mind.
The following quote sort of sums up the general uneasiness of going back home:
It’s a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same. You realized what’s changed is you.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Four Reflections on Going Back Home
Make no mistake, I am 100% American. That is immutable.
However, after 30 years of living in Asia, my sensibilities have changed. I am outside the sphere of influence of the American mainstream. I am an adoptee of many Asian practices and teachings.
And I am fortunate to be able to pick the best from both realms.
It is from this perspective that I now see the bigger world and from which I view the insular nature of my homeland.
1. The Wide Open West
Nothing opens up your horizons like the high plateaus, low deserts and immense grandeur of the western U.S. landscape. It has a special quality that clears your senses of artifice and soaks you in natural splendor.
It is the opposite of the tropical rainforest, where thousands of species compete for limited space and everything evolves to conceal it from predators.
Wilderness is an elixir from the noise of modern living. I love it when nature swallows you whole and revives the essence of life within your soul.
2. Medicated to the Max
America is a medicated society. Big Pharma has won over the minds and bodies of most Americans. They don’t even question what doctors tell them. They swallow it whole, just like the pills prescribed for every ailment.
This is a far cry from Asia, where the reverence of western medicine is buffered by traditional Chinese medicine and other local practices. It provides an automatic check-stop to get a second, non-invasive or non-industrial, opinion.
There is a kind of acquiescence to the monolithic medical machine. It overpowers common sense and self-confidence to find alternatives. Traditional and integrative ways are as trite as the horse-and-buggy.
Fighting for longevity is a struggle and hard work. Taking a pill is an easy out.
3. Fed Up With Ineptitude
Politics is at a precipice in American society. Everyone is fed up. The extremes are bursting at the seams and ready to explode on one another.
There is no leadership in America. There is only animosity. Red Team versus Blue Team. It’s as deep a chasm as I’ve ever seen in my homeland.
All branches of American government - legislative, executive and judicial - are a constant cosplay of pretending to follow democratic principles and ideals.
In reality, the political machinery manipulates every facet of rule and order to remain in power and set the narrative. Congress is co-opted and the media is complicit in gaming the system.
America, in its current state, is a poor reflection of it’s former self. The middle class is decimated, the military is inept (see Gaza Pier), families scramble to pay for rent and groceries, homelessness is rampant, and open border immigration is a strain on communities.
America doesn’t make sense anymore. And the political warfare will continue to sever the nation until it is inconsequential to the outside world.
4. Mom and Dad Discoveries and Family History
On the family front, it’s always a mixed bag of emotions to dive back into the family pool. There are ups and downs and disagreements. That’s normal.
There are also new extended family members - spouses and babies - and plenty of surprises found from past memories and recollections of siblings and friends.
Both of my parents died from cancer many years ago. My eldest brother took care of them in their last days and also took on the burden of legal and financial matters.
Prior to digital storage, everything was archived as paper files.
While rummaging through mom and dad’s medical, insurance and personal mementos, I found an envelope with my dad’s Official Military Personnel File.
I spent the next three hours sorting over 22 years of assignment, performance, disciplinary, and transfer records. It was a revelatory. It was a full record from when my dad left North Carolina in 1952 to his retirement in 1974,
It filled in all the missing pieces of his service record, especially the Vietnam War years. Even his GED certificate came as a surprise, as I knew he never finished high school.
So a box of old papers and pictures enabled me to find both completeness and closure after 40 plus years.
Coda
To be honest, the F. Scott Fitzgerald quote above is only half true. Some things remain the same and some things deteriorate.
My old hometown is stagnant. It’s trying to hold on to its pleasant past as a nice place to raise kids and earn a middle class living. It’s just one Air Force base closure away from being insignificant and in freefall.
The love among friends and family is still strong. However, it is hard for them to fully grasp what life is like in my faraway place. And so the connections stretch and loosen a bit more.
I’ve always embraced change. It keeps me on the edge of discovery. It is my modus operandi.
So I’ve always known that I have changed. I just think it’s important to stay in touch with your past and revisit the solid ground that set you on your own journey.
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